The Honest Truth About Fear
Sometimes, running a business just isn't that easy. Actually, what am I saying? It's never "easy". But sometimes it's more fun than others.
The times when running a business becomes hard is when I come face to face with one of my greatest fears-- failure. I fear that if I give everything I have into this business, it might fail due to my lack of business savvy and the general market, but then I also fear that if I don't give it enough it will also fail, from my lack of trying. When I weigh the two pathways to failure, I always figure that the first option is best. Give it all, and hope it doesn't fail, but still, it might.
But I have to tell you, my natural inclination is to sprint the opposite direction when things get hard. To be totally honest, I've never successfully followed through with any career choice or entrepreneurial venture. Because there's always been that one moment when I'm face-to-face with that ugly, cruel fear called Failure, and I've never been brave enough to take him on. I always wave my white flag, decide I'm not cut out for this sort of thing, turn around, and choose a different path. I usually go straight into something that I know I'll be successful at for a while, just to boost my ego a bit, so I don't feel like quite the loser. You should know that I've always been really great at coming up with excuses of why I'm not being a coward, but rather why I'm making the most logical choice ever to switch directions. And everyone has always believed me because I have the incredible ability to put on Confidence like a Queen's robe that doesn't belong to me, only to have to skit off to return it to her closet before she notices I snagged it without her knowing.
All that to say, I'm openly committing to call my fears out as they come, slap them in the face, and walk past them toward my goals. I'm choosing to stand up and be courageous when everything within me wants to sink into a puddle.
I feel like the Lord has called me on this path of entrepreneurship for some crazy unbeknownst reason, and I feel the responsibility to steward that calling well. I never intended to be in the food business, never intended to grow as quickly as we have, never intended to be anything more than a stay-at-home-mom who cooked, cleaned, chauffeured her kids to sports activities, and maybe had a fun part-time job (for the record, I am every stay-at-home-mom's biggest fan).
But here I find myself, about two months away from becoming a momma myself, and I have this huge weight of responsibility on my shoulders (also, a huge weight around my midsection that's growing and squirming around daily) to #makethingshappen. This is becoming big business, and as grateful as I am for that, it also scares the you-know-what out of me. I have a lot of delegating and organizing to do before this baby comes! I can't just coast forward toward motherhood and expect the business to just work itself out without first putting my full intention on vision and strategy for the future of Revival Food Company.
Plus, ya know how they say most humans are only using 10% of our brain's capacity? I feel like that's where we are right now as a company. There are so many amazing things that can happen with a company that I personally own and operate, but I feel like I've barely tapped into them. So that's what gets me excited right now... the endless, amazing, beautiful possibilities that the future holds for us. The kind of positive impact we can make on our customers and our community as a whole.
I don't have a shiny, pretty bow to wrap this post up with, except to say that I would appreciate any prayers and encouragements as things start unfolding over here. It's scary to take on the Fear of Failure by his tattered, well-worn collar, but I'm doing it. I'm on my knees daily, asking for the Lord to give me big gulps of his grace, love, and sufficiency. I'm seeking out mentors and guidance from peers (feel free to get in on that if you've got anything to offer up!), and getting real honest about where I'm at and where I'm afraid to go.